WHO AM I? This was a question posed to the group on one of our Tuesday evening meetings by the key case manager while I was staying at the Salvation Army. It was a question to motivate us into analyzing our current situation and reflect on what got us there.
There were some of those who took the question to heart but others that wouldn't have given it any thought at all since they were the ones just passing through with thoughts of the next shelter they would stay. I personally knew the circumstances that had brought me there and didn't give it much thought at the time.
But I'm one of those that just doesn't make a knee jerk decision on a question. If posed with a question I usually have to ponder and reflect on it for a while and then come to a conclusive decision on how to answer or proceed from there. I won't leap before I jump. This is the way I've been most of my life. I've seen too many people in business or personal situations who leap before thinking it through with bad outcomes.
This just happened to be a question that I thought of many times over a number of months. Who was I? Really! I began to think back to an early age (9-years to be exact) when my mother took me to the second closed-in mall opened in the Kansas City area. We were walking through this new mall and they had this computer system set up in the middle of the walkway. It was one of those card like computers (aging myself) and they were doing hand-written analysis of anyone interested. My mother had me sign my name on a card and they ran it throught the computer which gave me an analysis breakdown of who I was. There were several things mentioned but the most interesting was that I was analytical by nature. Now at the time I had to have my mother explain what analytical meant (she tried with the best effort but I was still confused).
On pondering the question of "who am I?" I remembered that particular time and realized that I am and always have been analytical in my life. Whether it was in business or personal this is the way I approach a situation. While at the shelter I befriended a couple of great ladies who, over the short time they were there, presented me with a card just before their departure that was very complimentary and mentioned a number of positive characteristics that they felt I represented. It made me think that these characteristics or virtues do represent who I am. I just never had thought about it before that day. To this day, I carry and cherish that card from two very good people and hope their endeavors since have been good ones (they are truly deserving).
Before I left KC to come to San Diego I called the case manager at the Salvation Army to say I was on my way and to thank him and his co-workers for the positive time I had there. I asked him if he still asked the question "Who am I?" to his groups and he replied that sometimes he did. He was quite surprised that I brought it up and even more surprised when I told him that it should be presented to each group that comes through even though not everyone will benefit from it but that if only one person gets it then that's one more than none.
WHO AM I? This is a great question each person should seriously consider in their life. Better late than never.
God bless and God speed
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
E.A.T.S. PHILOSOPHY
Years ago when I started coaching 8-year olds in soccer I came up with a philosophy that I hoped would be a lesson, not only in sports but to apply in there lives to come in the future. I coached them in soccer up through 14-years. It's something that I hoped that I could contribute as my mentors did for me. It's a philosophy that I apply in my everyday existence.
E: EFFORT
A: ATTITUDE
T: TEAMWORK
S: SPORTSMANSHIP
I believed that a sport should not only be a fete of focus and demand but that you should enjoy it, whether it be a practice or game time. My practices were based on Anson Dorrance's (North Carolina University Womens Soccer) workouts that made him one of the most successful winning coaches in women's soccer. It taught my kids one-on-one skills and teamwork play in hard and pressure situations. That was the first part of the practice then the latter part made up of fun games that were applicable to other areas.
When it came to game time I would tell them that to step on a field of play was like a battle of fair play and to apply everything that they learned from practices. Go out there and do the best they could and then when it was done and over leave it there on the field. Go home and enjoy themselves. I hammered-in the philosophy as they grew that if they put forth the best effort they could with the right positive attitude then do it as a team player then they would be a success. The sportsmanship not only was applicable to sports but could be shown in everyday situations when dealing with their peers and differences they might encounter.
Even though most of those kids were recreational players, I took them into higher levels of competition to give them an opportunity to compete at the highest level of play. We may have lost a number of games and tournaments but we won a few that they could walk away from and be proud. The majority of those kids that stuck it out, whether soccer or other sports, played varsity as freshmans in highschool which was uncommon in there day.
For me, it wasn't the winning that counted, it was seeing these kids grow into success and come into there own. It was a matter of hoping that I in some way helped young minds have the opportunity that was given to me. You see, if you live the E.A.T.S. philosophy, you'll always be successful no matter what. There is no failure when this philosophy is applied in life.
God bless and God speed
E: EFFORT
A: ATTITUDE
T: TEAMWORK
S: SPORTSMANSHIP
I believed that a sport should not only be a fete of focus and demand but that you should enjoy it, whether it be a practice or game time. My practices were based on Anson Dorrance's (North Carolina University Womens Soccer) workouts that made him one of the most successful winning coaches in women's soccer. It taught my kids one-on-one skills and teamwork play in hard and pressure situations. That was the first part of the practice then the latter part made up of fun games that were applicable to other areas.
When it came to game time I would tell them that to step on a field of play was like a battle of fair play and to apply everything that they learned from practices. Go out there and do the best they could and then when it was done and over leave it there on the field. Go home and enjoy themselves. I hammered-in the philosophy as they grew that if they put forth the best effort they could with the right positive attitude then do it as a team player then they would be a success. The sportsmanship not only was applicable to sports but could be shown in everyday situations when dealing with their peers and differences they might encounter.
Even though most of those kids were recreational players, I took them into higher levels of competition to give them an opportunity to compete at the highest level of play. We may have lost a number of games and tournaments but we won a few that they could walk away from and be proud. The majority of those kids that stuck it out, whether soccer or other sports, played varsity as freshmans in highschool which was uncommon in there day.
For me, it wasn't the winning that counted, it was seeing these kids grow into success and come into there own. It was a matter of hoping that I in some way helped young minds have the opportunity that was given to me. You see, if you live the E.A.T.S. philosophy, you'll always be successful no matter what. There is no failure when this philosophy is applied in life.
God bless and God speed
Sunday, October 31, 2010
LAST FAREWELL?
It's with great regret but this might be my last posting for some time to come. I was hoping to share more of my life experiences but because the IRS deemed it necessary to take all my money without the benefit of an extension and umemployment I'm off to I don't know where at this time. All I know is that I'll be on the streets with Ellie somewhere this time tomorrow.
It's like the movie "Paint Your Wagon" with Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin. "Where am I going? I don't know." "Where am I headin? I ain't certain." "All I know is I am on my way!"
"But who gives a damn, who gives a damn I'm on my way!" Seems like appropriate lines at this time.
THANKS AGAIN IRS
The best to all and I hope that one day I will be able to continue on with my experiences.
Signing off,
Jim
God bless and God speed
It's like the movie "Paint Your Wagon" with Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin. "Where am I going? I don't know." "Where am I headin? I ain't certain." "All I know is I am on my way!"
"But who gives a damn, who gives a damn I'm on my way!" Seems like appropriate lines at this time.
THANKS AGAIN IRS
The best to all and I hope that one day I will be able to continue on with my experiences.
Signing off,
Jim
God bless and God speed
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
CHALLENGE: Food Stamps (EBT) Experience
Well, it's gotten to that critical point where I didn't have any food and ran out of dog food for Ellie so I had to break down for the first time in my 6-year dilemma and file for food stamps. Quite an experience for sure.
This past Monday I spent a half-day in line and waiting while my application for food stamps got the go ahead on emergency processing. I couldn't believe the numbers of people (but then considering the economic trend, could) that were there either for food stamps or family welfare.
I have to give credit to the person processing my request since he realized and understood that I wasn't just looking for hand-outs but genuinely in need (major kudos). He got me set up with an EBT card that day so I could stock-up on food.
The drawback I found out at the store was that the EBT card only covers food and food only. No paper towels, toiletries or dog food (bummer). Ellie finally gets to eat human food full time now since it takes some coaxing to get her to eat her dog food normally. At least I've got the essential food supplies to get me by for awhile.
Now I have to find a way to secure gas for the car and food for Ellie, even though she doesn't care one way or the other. Regarding toiletries, since there aren't any corn fields nearby (like Kansas) I guess I have to find an alternative to toilet paper and since I can't buy toothpaste for enamel and cavity protection I hope that the water here in San Diego is fluoridated.
I continue to face my economic challenges and plan for the worst case scenario so that I'll be prepared to address it when and if that time comes. After Mondays' eye opener and seeing it first hand, this government needs to really wake up and smell their coffee in the morning. I was listening to a talk radio station last nite where the guest mentioned that the government says we only have a 10% unemployment but he said that realistically it's much higher. The government wants to paint a rosy picture.
My heart goes out to those who are truly in the same struggle and that genuinely are in need like myself. The best I can offer is to continue to hang in there. I know, easier said than done.
Sleepless in San Diego (not Seattle)
God bless and God speed
This past Monday I spent a half-day in line and waiting while my application for food stamps got the go ahead on emergency processing. I couldn't believe the numbers of people (but then considering the economic trend, could) that were there either for food stamps or family welfare.
I have to give credit to the person processing my request since he realized and understood that I wasn't just looking for hand-outs but genuinely in need (major kudos). He got me set up with an EBT card that day so I could stock-up on food.
The drawback I found out at the store was that the EBT card only covers food and food only. No paper towels, toiletries or dog food (bummer). Ellie finally gets to eat human food full time now since it takes some coaxing to get her to eat her dog food normally. At least I've got the essential food supplies to get me by for awhile.
Now I have to find a way to secure gas for the car and food for Ellie, even though she doesn't care one way or the other. Regarding toiletries, since there aren't any corn fields nearby (like Kansas) I guess I have to find an alternative to toilet paper and since I can't buy toothpaste for enamel and cavity protection I hope that the water here in San Diego is fluoridated.
I continue to face my economic challenges and plan for the worst case scenario so that I'll be prepared to address it when and if that time comes. After Mondays' eye opener and seeing it first hand, this government needs to really wake up and smell their coffee in the morning. I was listening to a talk radio station last nite where the guest mentioned that the government says we only have a 10% unemployment but he said that realistically it's much higher. The government wants to paint a rosy picture.
My heart goes out to those who are truly in the same struggle and that genuinely are in need like myself. The best I can offer is to continue to hang in there. I know, easier said than done.
Sleepless in San Diego (not Seattle)
God bless and God speed
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A HALLOWEEN TREAT: Childhood Experience
This is an account of a childhood experience that took place around the age of 8 or 9 years with a childhood friend (Ricky Joe: another post altogether). Even though it happened close to 4th of July it's worth a tale to tell for Halloween.
Growing up in my childhood there were many times of sleep overs with friends. This one night I spent the night at Ricky Joe's house and a sleep over wasn't just always a play in the house but the midnight venture out (sneak out) of the house just to say we did it. This one particular nite, after Ricky Joe's parents were well asleep, we snuck out and sat on the back stoop to listen to the night sounds and gaze at the stars. Ricky Joe's house was adjacent to the grade school we attended and the main part of the playground was right across the street. It was always one of the main play places for most all of us to congregate for the swings, jungle jim, tether ball, baseball and football.
As we gazed at the stars and listened to the night sounds my eyes glanced over the playground area where I saw apparition-like figures (people) playing football about 100 yds off in an open area of the playground. I didn't say anything because I thought it was just my imagination until Ricky Joe said, "do you see what I see"? When I aske him what he saw I couldn't believe it! He described exactly what I was looking at. Apparitions running and throwing a football, actually playing football.
We started to get a little scared but decided to sneak across the road to the playground. We began to crawl towards the apparitions (they were white moving bodies) very slowly so not to disturb whoever it might be. We got half way towards these apparitions when the fear really sat in and decided to crawl slowly back and get back to his house. Since it was close to the 4th of July we always had fireworks available so we silently slipped back into the house and got what was then called a buzz bomb. Ricky Joe snuck upstairs to get one of his dads cigarettes. We sometimes would use cigarettes as time bombs for special occassions and this was one.
We went back outside and the apparitions were still playing football. We lit the cigarette and placed it on the fuse of the buzz bomb. We then crawled back into the playground about 25 yds and placed it on good level ground then went back to the house and hid behind one of the big trees and waited. It usually took about 10-minutes for a cigarette to burn down and when it did the buzz bomb went flying into the night sky and made a big explosion.
The apparitions disappeared and we hurried back into the house so we wouldn't be caught in case his parents or any of the neighbors woke up. Needless to say, we had a hard time getting to sleep after that night.
I've never really shared this story with anyone but Ricky Joe since no one would have believed us especially at our ages then. Even to this day I sometimes wonder, but to have Ricky Joe confirm seeing what I was seeing was just to real not to be true.
They just disappeared! They didn't run off and disappear! They just disappeared!! A True Story.
Happy Halloween
God bless and God speed
Growing up in my childhood there were many times of sleep overs with friends. This one night I spent the night at Ricky Joe's house and a sleep over wasn't just always a play in the house but the midnight venture out (sneak out) of the house just to say we did it. This one particular nite, after Ricky Joe's parents were well asleep, we snuck out and sat on the back stoop to listen to the night sounds and gaze at the stars. Ricky Joe's house was adjacent to the grade school we attended and the main part of the playground was right across the street. It was always one of the main play places for most all of us to congregate for the swings, jungle jim, tether ball, baseball and football.
As we gazed at the stars and listened to the night sounds my eyes glanced over the playground area where I saw apparition-like figures (people) playing football about 100 yds off in an open area of the playground. I didn't say anything because I thought it was just my imagination until Ricky Joe said, "do you see what I see"? When I aske him what he saw I couldn't believe it! He described exactly what I was looking at. Apparitions running and throwing a football, actually playing football.
We started to get a little scared but decided to sneak across the road to the playground. We began to crawl towards the apparitions (they were white moving bodies) very slowly so not to disturb whoever it might be. We got half way towards these apparitions when the fear really sat in and decided to crawl slowly back and get back to his house. Since it was close to the 4th of July we always had fireworks available so we silently slipped back into the house and got what was then called a buzz bomb. Ricky Joe snuck upstairs to get one of his dads cigarettes. We sometimes would use cigarettes as time bombs for special occassions and this was one.
We went back outside and the apparitions were still playing football. We lit the cigarette and placed it on the fuse of the buzz bomb. We then crawled back into the playground about 25 yds and placed it on good level ground then went back to the house and hid behind one of the big trees and waited. It usually took about 10-minutes for a cigarette to burn down and when it did the buzz bomb went flying into the night sky and made a big explosion.
The apparitions disappeared and we hurried back into the house so we wouldn't be caught in case his parents or any of the neighbors woke up. Needless to say, we had a hard time getting to sleep after that night.
I've never really shared this story with anyone but Ricky Joe since no one would have believed us especially at our ages then. Even to this day I sometimes wonder, but to have Ricky Joe confirm seeing what I was seeing was just to real not to be true.
They just disappeared! They didn't run off and disappear! They just disappeared!! A True Story.
Happy Halloween
God bless and God speed
Sunday, October 24, 2010
DEATH AND DYING: A PRAYER ANSWERED
I've decided to address this topic because there have been two very personal and memorial occasions that have impacted my life and have proven to me the power of prayer being answered. Before I get to these I have to say that I've never been one to profess my religious or spiritual beliefs openly or upon someone. I've always felt it a personal privacy and not one to impose on others. Let me say, I live my life the way I believe.
It's a fact of life that the older we get that we begin to see more and more of our friends and close acquaintances pass on. I've known several who took their life, many who either passed from physical ailment or those that lived a long life and it was their time. As mentioned above I'm going to focus on two very special people; my mom and dad.
My dad was the first to pass on at the age of 74 years. I remember that we were traveling to my brothers for Thanksgiving and on the trip there my dad had shortness of breath and felt drained of energy. He shrugged it off as nothing but it came back to bite him. After a visit to the doctor (forced by my mom) the next week he ended up in the hospital intensive care unit. He had had a number of mild heart attacks which had caused major damage. After stabilization, he was transferred to an upstairs room for about a week where on one occasion that I visited we happened to be alone. He had been told earlier in the day that he didn't have much time (maybe three weeks). He told me that he was too young to die and I agreed because he was a young 74 for his age (young at heart). He had made a decision when all this began to ignore his condition because he had cataract surgery scheduled and didn't want to miss it. Well, his decision cost him his life.
Given three weeks, he lasted a month (he fought death to the end, he was a bull headed survivor). I wanted to be close when the time came but I had job responsibilties so I prayed that if any prayer could be answered that I would be at his bedside when the time came. I was at a hospital for an inservice on a medical product I represented (about an hour north) when a hospital representative told me that I had an emergency at home and needed to get there fast. I phoned on my way home to find out that the hospice nurse (great organization) couldn't find a pulse. I broke all speed records to get home and ran into the bedroom to find my dad sitting up, all smiles, asking what I was doing there. It was a Friday at 3pm. At 7:30pm I was at his bedside when he had a massive heart attack. I was there holding his hand at the time. I got to tell him I loved him before he passed on. A PRAYER ANSWERED.
The second experience was my mom. As I've mentioned before, I had been a care-giver for her over the last 6-years. My mom loved my dad dearly and she grieved for at least 10-years I know for a fact. In the past years medical challenges, she always had the wish to join him. On February 14th of this year she turned 90 (yes, she was a Valentine girl) and we celebrated at the long-term care facility where she had been taken a couple of weeks before. Things weren't looking good so I prayed again that I would be allowed to be present when the time came. I really felt that she had a couple more years left but she went down hill faster than I had expected. On February 22nd I was called by the emergency room at a local hospital that she had been admitted and that I should get there as soon as possible. When I arrived, she was in the ER room being stabilized. As I came into the room the nurse said she had been asking for me and her best friend/companion Ellie. I could tell that things weren't looking well for her. The ER physician informed me that she had at most 2-days. I left to go to her cottage to fetch Ellie and bring her back with me. When I arrived the physician informed me that 2-days had turned into a matter of hours.
She was transferred to an intensive care room where she kept asking if I could bring Ellie to see her. As much as I pleaded for her request, Ellie couldn't be allowed into the hospital but if I could get her outside her ICU window then that would be okay. Things went too fast for me to accomplish this. On February 22nd, at 2:42pm I was at her bedside holding her hand and giving her comfort the whole time through the process of her peaceful passing. I was able to tell her I loved her. A PRAYER ANSWERED.
Both my mom and dad had lead very fruitful lives. I'm proud to have had them for my parents and will always have a prayer in my heart. I know they are together again and both live on in my heart.
A PRAYER ANSWERED ( I believe)
God bless and God speed
It's a fact of life that the older we get that we begin to see more and more of our friends and close acquaintances pass on. I've known several who took their life, many who either passed from physical ailment or those that lived a long life and it was their time. As mentioned above I'm going to focus on two very special people; my mom and dad.
My dad was the first to pass on at the age of 74 years. I remember that we were traveling to my brothers for Thanksgiving and on the trip there my dad had shortness of breath and felt drained of energy. He shrugged it off as nothing but it came back to bite him. After a visit to the doctor (forced by my mom) the next week he ended up in the hospital intensive care unit. He had had a number of mild heart attacks which had caused major damage. After stabilization, he was transferred to an upstairs room for about a week where on one occasion that I visited we happened to be alone. He had been told earlier in the day that he didn't have much time (maybe three weeks). He told me that he was too young to die and I agreed because he was a young 74 for his age (young at heart). He had made a decision when all this began to ignore his condition because he had cataract surgery scheduled and didn't want to miss it. Well, his decision cost him his life.
Given three weeks, he lasted a month (he fought death to the end, he was a bull headed survivor). I wanted to be close when the time came but I had job responsibilties so I prayed that if any prayer could be answered that I would be at his bedside when the time came. I was at a hospital for an inservice on a medical product I represented (about an hour north) when a hospital representative told me that I had an emergency at home and needed to get there fast. I phoned on my way home to find out that the hospice nurse (great organization) couldn't find a pulse. I broke all speed records to get home and ran into the bedroom to find my dad sitting up, all smiles, asking what I was doing there. It was a Friday at 3pm. At 7:30pm I was at his bedside when he had a massive heart attack. I was there holding his hand at the time. I got to tell him I loved him before he passed on. A PRAYER ANSWERED.
The second experience was my mom. As I've mentioned before, I had been a care-giver for her over the last 6-years. My mom loved my dad dearly and she grieved for at least 10-years I know for a fact. In the past years medical challenges, she always had the wish to join him. On February 14th of this year she turned 90 (yes, she was a Valentine girl) and we celebrated at the long-term care facility where she had been taken a couple of weeks before. Things weren't looking good so I prayed again that I would be allowed to be present when the time came. I really felt that she had a couple more years left but she went down hill faster than I had expected. On February 22nd I was called by the emergency room at a local hospital that she had been admitted and that I should get there as soon as possible. When I arrived, she was in the ER room being stabilized. As I came into the room the nurse said she had been asking for me and her best friend/companion Ellie. I could tell that things weren't looking well for her. The ER physician informed me that she had at most 2-days. I left to go to her cottage to fetch Ellie and bring her back with me. When I arrived the physician informed me that 2-days had turned into a matter of hours.
She was transferred to an intensive care room where she kept asking if I could bring Ellie to see her. As much as I pleaded for her request, Ellie couldn't be allowed into the hospital but if I could get her outside her ICU window then that would be okay. Things went too fast for me to accomplish this. On February 22nd, at 2:42pm I was at her bedside holding her hand and giving her comfort the whole time through the process of her peaceful passing. I was able to tell her I loved her. A PRAYER ANSWERED.
Both my mom and dad had lead very fruitful lives. I'm proud to have had them for my parents and will always have a prayer in my heart. I know they are together again and both live on in my heart.
A PRAYER ANSWERED ( I believe)
God bless and God speed
Friday, October 22, 2010
HOMELESS Potential: Update
As I'm approaching the end of this month (October), I'm beginning to become somewhat anxious as to what I'm going to do. I won't be able to meet my rental commitments and I'm already behind on bills. My food supply has dwindled to almost nothing and my best friends' (Ellie) food is getting low.
My son prefers that I remain in San Diego, so we're looking into some low-income living arrangements, but that still won't be realistic since I'm still unemployed. I've been considering heading back to Northern California where I was before since I feel my employment opportunity might be better with past friends and best friend networking capabilities there. I'll be making my calls to check those options out. I found out yesterday that the person who took my place of employment in Kansas City is looking for another job so I would definitely have a position available there. The main problem with these options is the cost of traveling (gas).
Being the analytical person I've been all my life, I'm weighing all options that are open to me and live each day at a time. I'm in the initial stages of preparation for traveling lite since I won't be able to take all that I brought out with me from Kansas City. The most important and main concern that I have is Ellie. Where ever I go, I want to make sure that she's included. There's no other option when it comes to Ellie.
It seems like I'm stuck in that never ending circle trying to break free but keep running into those obstacles (like the IRS) that puts me right back in it. Even though the challenges seem to continue I remain optimistic and positive. I'll continue to survive one way or another.
My heart felt feelings goes out to those of you in a similar situation like this.
God bless and God Speed
My son prefers that I remain in San Diego, so we're looking into some low-income living arrangements, but that still won't be realistic since I'm still unemployed. I've been considering heading back to Northern California where I was before since I feel my employment opportunity might be better with past friends and best friend networking capabilities there. I'll be making my calls to check those options out. I found out yesterday that the person who took my place of employment in Kansas City is looking for another job so I would definitely have a position available there. The main problem with these options is the cost of traveling (gas).
Being the analytical person I've been all my life, I'm weighing all options that are open to me and live each day at a time. I'm in the initial stages of preparation for traveling lite since I won't be able to take all that I brought out with me from Kansas City. The most important and main concern that I have is Ellie. Where ever I go, I want to make sure that she's included. There's no other option when it comes to Ellie.
It seems like I'm stuck in that never ending circle trying to break free but keep running into those obstacles (like the IRS) that puts me right back in it. Even though the challenges seem to continue I remain optimistic and positive. I'll continue to survive one way or another.
My heart felt feelings goes out to those of you in a similar situation like this.
God bless and God Speed
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